I have been on both sides of this argument. There was times when I stayed at home with my kids and I have also been in the situation where I had to pawn them off on family while I pulled an all-nighter while growing my business.
I guess my only advice in this situation is just do your best.
Quit Kicking Your Own Ass! Seriously.
Those negative words and thoughts that you let seep into your brain about how [insert woman's name here] is a better mommy and that's why her kids are so kind. And the reason why she's a better mommy is because she gets to [stay at home/go to work].
Sometimes it just comes down to the fact that the grass seems greener on the other side.
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I tell my kids all the time that "You have your whole life to get over how dad and I raised you". It's a pet peeve of mine when I hear grown adults say: "I act this way, because this is how I was raised." Pffffffft. Sounds like a great excuse to not ever grow, not ever change, accept things as they are, and keep things out of your hands to actually change something.
As parents, that's all we can do - Just our best.
The fact that you are trying to find out the best way is a great sign. But understand that you aren't perfect, there is no such thing.
Remind your kids that they have their whole life to recover from how badly you scarred them by not being able to stay home with them/staying home with them.
